Things That Make You Go Hmmm

Story Reported:

A Thai tour guide surrendered himself to the police confessing that he had shot dead one Japanese tourist and wounded another, after a heated argument during the trekking in Chiang Rai, northern Thailand.

On 26th April, 2011 the tour guide, Apichart Inphisak, 41, turned himself in to the police and admitted to the crime that he had committed earlier at 10 a.m. Mr. Inphisak guided two Japanese tourists, Hiromichi Nagano, 59 and Takushi Condo, 43, to Chiang Rai mountainous area, visiting the Lisu people, a Tibeto-Burman ethnic group.

Takushi was constantly complaining and cursing especially about the tour while travelling in the green Suzuki jeep, Mr. Inshisak said. Even when they were trekking in the woods, the complaining continued, he added. When Mr. Inshisak could not tolerate the criticism any longer, he started his verbal retaliation which subsequently instigated an intense argument between the guide and tourists.

Other information neglected to be reported:

A Japanese alleged yakuza gangster was shot dead in northern Thailand by a local tourist guide in suspicious circumstances, Thai police said Wednesday.

And...

They had guns on them and $10,000 in cash. This Takushi guy is also meant to be the leader of the third largest 'gang' in Japan according to the article.

So a prominent Japanese gangster goes into the jungle of the Golden Triangle world capital of illegal drug trafficking with a big pile of cash and a gun. And he's only there to visit the Lisu? A Thai tour guide is taking tourists into the jungle while carrying a gun, and pops his 2 paying customers because they are loudmouths?

Hmmm.

My guess: Drug-shopping Japanese gangsters get popped by Burmese drug dealers. Thai guy takes the fall for incentives/threats yet to be discovered.

Suncoast BBQ Bash In Venice, Florida

I went to the Suncoast BBQ Bash at the Venice Airport Festival Grounds today. (Mom and Paul stayed home, as they were busy packing; it was just me and all the BBQ and chili I could eat.)

Entry was free. Then you went and traded in your dollars for "BBQ Bucks", which the exhibitors and competitors used as currency. Also you could buy a chili ticket that gave you 8 cups of chili for $5. (All proceeds went to the Suncoast Foundation, which helps handicapped children.) So I arrived, got 20 BBQ Bucks, and one Chili ticket, and started my way round the place.

My first stop was the chili competitors, of which there were about a dozen. They were off in one corner of the grounds.

To be honest, I didn't find any of the selections incredibly good. A couple were surprisingly quite bad. I was most surprised that one of the chilis tasted exactly like the chili that I cook, and I throw that stuff together in 20 minutes with Hunt's BBQ sauce, tomato paste, and cayenne.

In the end, after 8 bowls of chili, I gave my fully-punched ticket (the way that you vote for your preferred competitor) to the representative from The British Open Pub on Route 41. He had cooked a chili using all imported ingredients, and its base was bacon soaked in maple syrup. It wasn't a fantastic chili, but it was quite intriguing.

In addition, only one or two of the chilis was spicy in any way (which I prefer), only one or two of the chilis had beans (which I prefer). Heheh: I would even consider entering my own chili in the competition next year, but as you can see by the photos, unless you don't come with an entire stand, and a truckload of themed tchotchkes, you wouldn't fit in.


Lots of local businesses also had displays up. Apparently (and here is where I could get into the competition if I wanted) they pitch their business, plus enter their own BBQ and chili. I think the folks with the boats though: They just showed up and parked their stuff for people to look at.

After the chili, I stopped by the soda place. I saw the girl in front of me ordering and getting a 16-ounce soda for $2. I figured I could take two of those large sodas. I asked for two large Sprites. The lady comes back with two 32-ounce sodas and says, "That'll be eight BBQ Bucks." Doh. I didn't have the heart to tell her I'd made a mistake, so almost half my BBQ bucks were gone in an instant.

That was almost okay though: I finished half of the first soda and threw the rest of it away so I would have a free hand. The other soda kept me hydrated and the rest went home with me. Then it was on to the main concourse where the BBQ competitors were. I'm a rib man myself so I stuck strictly with ribs and skipped the chicken and pulled pork. (You can only eat so much, you know.)

All of the competitors here were really serious about their BBQ, with their pavilions and trophies and motor homes and giant smokers. You could buy a single rib for 2 BBQ bucks, and each rib was pretty meaty. After 4 ribs, I really was full.

You know what? I am genuinely surprised to say this after having been to this place with all of the ribs (and several others before): Bob's BBQ in Pattaya Beach, Thailand still has the best ribs I have eaten. The size of Bob's ribs and amount of meat per rib may not be as good as these ribs today, but that's a matter of supply that Bob can't control. (But, in fairness, Bob was a champion on the Texas BBQ circuit — the world capital of BBQ — while the people at this competition were all mostly local Florida folks.)

Two of the rib samples I tried were tough and rubbery. One of the ribs I tried was greasy and gooey. The fourth that I sampled was the best, but was still not as tender and fall-of-the-bone simple to eat as Bob's. I was really surprised. The best ribs I have had since coming back to America are at Ivy's Steak House in Venice, but they were $18 per half rack, and essentially matched Bob's ribs in texture and taste. Rib City in Venice was second best... and better than Ivy's when you factor in the price of $9 for a half rack.

But it was still enjoyable to walk around the grounds and see all the people and smell the smells, listen to the live band, and look at all the equipment. (Check out the photo to the left: A crazy BBQ kitchen on a trailer.) I'll go back again next year, but I'll skip the chili, go straight for the ribs, and obviously only buy one soda at a time.

Oh: I still had 4 BBQ bucks when I left. They can't be traded back, so I gave them to the security people and parking guides working in the hot Florida afternoon sun. Good job to them and all the other people at the Suncoast Foundation who put on a very nicely organized and laid out event.

Thailand, Same Old Busted Society As Before

This is biggest story in Thailand right now. It is amazing how this type of thing can happen in a second-world country like Thailand, but it does:

A few weeks ago, a 16-year-old girl from one of Thailand's wealthy families, speeding without a license, caused a crash on an elevated highway in Bangkok which killed nine people. According to reports at first she was not particularly despondent at what she had done, which got people pretty pissed off. (Public reaction scared her and her family into a semblance of contriteness though. They immediately paid a few thousand dollars to the families of each of the 9 slaughtered people.)

Now today, the judge on her case has released her without bail. Another judge familiar with juvenile cases said the girl is likely to get a suspended sentence... to never spend a day in jail, "not because of social privilege, but due to her confession, her remorse, her family's payment of compensation to victims." Even trials for premeditated murder could end with a young offender getting a suspended jail term, he said, if they showed remorse or were willing to undergo rehabilitation or gave victims compensation.

This accidental mass killing by a rich person of poor people going unpunished in Thailand is not the first time either. Five years ago, the son of a prominent business man mowed down a crowd of people at a bus stop with his Mercedes after the bus they were boarding scratched his fender. His powerful uncle, a police officer, went on television and blamed poor people in general, and the victims specifically for the incident.

The principal problem is Buddhism, which in essence, states, "Take what life gives you." The Thai people are sheep to this thinking and it is unlikely to ever change. Add to that the additional local belief that children are generally blameless and their wrongdoings are better targeted with education and rehabilitation than punishment, and you've got a country where nobody is willing to cast blame, nobody learns to take responsibility, and the consequences of guilt are generally light or avoided altogether.

Karma: Cagayan De Oro Post Office On Fire

Photo credit: John Thomas Obrial.
Additional credit: Karma, irony.After losing Epril's registered mail package a month ago, it seems even fate is fed up with the Filipino Postal Service, as hundreds of thousands of lost pieces of mail stuffed into the various crevices and corners of the Cagayan De Oro Post Office late last night caught fire and burned the place to the ground.

I'll cautiously say (and I'm sure that the Filipino Postal Service will readily agree): Don't worry! Burning down the post office will have absolutely NO effect on mail delivery service in Cagayan De Oro.

Brain Dead Filipino Postal Service

No wonder everybody tells me that it takes so long to get a Filipina a visa to come to America: The inept retards at the Philippines post office couldn't get lit dynamite dipped in ebola virus and wrapped with a big plutonium ribbon out of their possession in under 2 weeks let alone a simple piece of mail.

I ask Epril to send her visa application material by registered mail. In a normal country, that would get you a guarantee that your stuff would arrive... or at least that it would not get misplaced.

But when you are dealing with the busted-ass Filipino postal system, that is way to fucking optimistic.

"Registered mail? We can't track that. It went to CDO. Then it probably went to Manila." "Phone number to call? No... we don't know any phone numbers you could call."

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UPDATE:

How appropriate that at almost the same time that Epril was being told by the post office that they couldn't/wouldn't/didn't know how to trace a piece of registered mail... yesterday afternoon... The Philippines' Labor Secretary, Rosalina Baldoz, was announcing that The Philippines has now fallen to the bottom of all Asian countries in terms of labor productivity. "We're now competing with Bangladesh," she says.

Tell me about it.

The government seems to be at a loss as to why this might be. Let me give you a hint: When you lose the top 25% brightest, most qualified, most skilled, most educated of your workforce to employment overseas, you have to replace them with what is left over... and in a country where only 52% of students go to high school... and only 31% of students who graduate high school go to college... what is left over is going to be far from the best the country has to offer.

Another Fine Example Of American Expatrioteness

Douche.

The American, Clarence Bruce Beach, who is a resident of the village, allegedly pointed a 45 caliber pistol with an open hammer at the complainant, Mrs. Daisy Rizon, who is also a resident of the village, and threatened to kill her and the supposed dog that belonged to her daughter.

Beach allegedly had a prior altercation with the dog of Kristin Aballe, the daughter of Mrs Rizon, and he declared that he was going to kill the dog. He was allegedly walking his mongrel dogs when the German Shepherd Dog of Mrs. Aballe reacted to the presence of such dogs and attacked the American’s dogs.

I would like to point out that this is the kind of situation where your Filipina wife can come in very handy: Instead of reaching for your gun (okay: your "wife's" gun — we know the drill), you go to your wife and tell her that if she doesn't go and find a solution to this problem you are having with these other people, you are going to wind up in jail.

Chances are, your wife already knows that you are a stupid and psychotic twat (since that kind of thing tends to be hard to hide), and she will believe what you are saying and will make every effort under the sun to stop your problem... and your idiocy... from happening.

Obviously this advice is a little late for Mr. Beach now; but I doubt that his world will get any less annoying in the future — nor his disposition any closer to adult and/or civilized — so he may want to file it away for future reference.

Bar-Be-Que Party At Kingston Lodge Sundays

Danny at Kingston Lodge has started a new recurring expatriate shindig on the third Sunday of every month: Bar-be-que... beer... and a band. Food is served from noontime until 3 in the afternoon, and then Mystika and The Sunriser Band will take to the stage to play your favorite disco music from 1 p.m. to 5 p.m. The pools will be open as well for anyone who wants to cool off... or soak their heads after too many San Miguels.

Meals start at 225 pisos... just $5. No reservations necessary, but you can call 088-858-5696 for any questions you may have, or e-mail Danny at kingstonlodge@yahoo.com.

Epril and I hope to see you there this Sunday!

Another Note On Noise

I just realized, as I sit here about 150 meters away from the middle school, listening to the noise coming out of that place (and it really is loud... I can't hear my work because some lady is shouting into a microphone and kids are cheering wildly):

The classrooms are rows of buildings, with doors leading directly outside. More importantly, none of the classrooms have glass on the windows. They are completely open. The noise that is hampering my hearing at this great distance is right in the ears of the little kids trying to hear teachers at the front of the classroom, trying to study, trying to concentrate.

How friggin impossible is that? My god.

(And Jasaan Central School... the same school I just described... is a very highly-ranked school in The Philippines public education system.)

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By the way, just as an update: Now one of the groundskeepers has lit a pile of raked-up garbage on fire back behind one of the classroom buildings and a huge cloud of smoke is billowing up literally yards away from the classroom (again note: open windows) where the kids are sitting.

No, I'm not joking. Actually, this photo is about 10 minutes after the smoke started, and is a tiny cloud compared to what it was when it started. Then, it was stinging even my throat way over here.

Product Review: Cignal Versus Dream, Updated

This post is a continuation of this post of a year ago, in which I compared Cignal Satellite Television to Dream Satellite Television.

This past week, Cignal (website, wikipedia) finally did what they needed to do to become the leading... the only... choice for subscribers of satellite television in The Philippines. They more than doubled their high-definition channel lineup, and added a handful of very worthwhile channels in their standard definition as well.

Just a quick rundown of the channels that have been added:

In high definition, there is Discovery HD World, The Food Channel HD, Star World HD, and, as I mentioned earlier, ESPN (proper) HD. (There is also a holding spot for "Basketball HDTV" that is not broadcasting yet.)

In regular definition, CNBC, Fax Family Movies, Fox Television, Discovery Channel, Discovery Turbo have been added.

With the addition of these channels, Cignal has gone from a High-Definition hobbyist purchase (with standard definition added in) to a full and proper (but still small) program listing and satellite service.

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FINAL VERDICT

So, new judgement: Cignal definitely beats Dream. That's no longer a discussion open for debate.

Against ground-based cable companies is where the real competition now lies. Cignal gives your local cable company a run for its money because of its high-definition offerings, picture quality, and on-screen menu, but still loses out in price and channel selection.

So, now it is no longer question of "Cignal Versus Dream", but a question of "Cignal Versus Everyone Else." And for that, the jury is still out.

Cignal is about either approximately the same cost as cable (if you don't have the high-defintion package), or twice as expensive as cable (if you do have the high definition package), for less than half the number of channels. But in my opinion, Cignal has a significantly higher percentage of "worthwhile" channels (versus channels I personally would never watch) compared to, say, Parasat Cable here in Mindanao.

The extra money I am paying for the high definition package is, in my opion, money well spent: The cost for Cignal's high definition package has gone from about 100 pisos per channel per month a year ago (with many of the channels showing an "upgraded SD" or 720-line HD signal) down to about 50 pisos per channel per month now (of full and proper 1080 HD content)... and nearly all of those channels are "worthwhile" channels.

Filipinos To Be Fined For Singing Off-Tune Anthem

This is amusing:

"Philippine MPs have proposed a law against off-key singing of Lupang Hinirang (Beloved Land), the national anthem...

The Philippines' lower house voted 196-0 in favour of the measure on Monday...

The proposal has been put forward as the MPs felt that Filipino artists had been changing the anthem's military march melody and beat. The change in the anthem's tune was noted when it was sung at the boxing matches of Manny Pacquiao.

God I hate populism. You know how you can tell when something is nothing but populist claptrap? Because a governmental body will always vote 196-0 in favor of it... because no politician is stupid enough to get caught voting against something that, even though patently useless and unenforceable, makes all of their constituents feel either proud and patriotic, warm and fuzzy, or safe and secure.

You can't sing The Philippines national anthem out of tune? Even the little school kids every morning? (Oh buddy, you should hear them.)

Or does the law really state that you can't change the melody and beat? That's more likely.

Wikipedia says:

At present, the 1998 Republic Act (R.A.) 8491. (the Flag and Heraldic Code of the Philippines) regulates the usage of the Philippine national anthem.

R.A. 8491 specifies that Lupang Hinirang "shall be in accordance with the musical arrangement and composition of Julian Felipe." However, when literally followed, this means that the national anthem should only be performed by a pianist or by a brass band, as these were the only versions that were produced by Julian Felipe. Moreover, because the original version was composed in duple time (i.e. in a time signature of 2/4) as compared to the present quadruple time (4/4), it is uncertain if this will either slow down or even double the music's speed, making it difficult for singers to keep up with the music. Regardless of this, the national anthem is still sung with the lyrics. R.A. 8491 also states that Lupang Hinirang "shall always be sung in the national language" regardless if performed inside or outside the Philippines, and specifies that the singing must be done with fervor.

But is it even constitutional to apply laws restricting the expression, usage, and arrangement of something that is almost certainly in the public domain? It's basically saying that artistic license is illegal. It most certainly raises some free speech issues.

It's absolutely a gray law... and gray laws always suck: With such a law, essentially anybody can be arrested for singing The Philippines national anthem. All somebody has to do is make the charge that a certain performance "wasn't in accordance with the orignal" or it wasn't sung with enough "fervor", and who could argue?

Somebody could be arrested because, being unable to hit the high notes, they moved their performance down a few keys. Somebody could be arrested for flubbing the lyrics. Somebody could be arrested for, yes, singing out of tune. Somebody most certainly (since it was the example Congress was specifically thinking of, as stated in the article) could be arrested for singing the national anthem too slowly.

The law also prohibits putting the flag of The Philippines on clothing... yet another dilly of a law considering that half of the T-Shirts sold to tourists promoting the Philippines have the flag on it. I think that all of my Eagle's shirts have the Flag Of The Philippines on them in some way, shape, or form.

Good Lord Byron

There is a rather amusing thread weaving over at the Expats In Cagayan De Oro Yahoo Group concerning the ongoing picaresque story of one Byron White.

Byron came onto that Yahoo Group several months ago and (although I don't remember the exact details) basically told everyone that he was going to chuck away his life in America, sell everything, buy a plane ticket to The Philippines (where I suspect he had never been), move in with some girl (whom it is certain he had never met in person), and get a job (being a "preacher" and opening a taco stand were both mentioned) to support himself.

He then started to ask the most expat-entry-level questions of the group that it made its members first suspect that the whole thing was an Andy-Kaufman-style prank, and then later made them suspect that Byron wasn't fully put together, and finally made them just suspect that the man had the world's worst judgment.

Nonetheless, the Yahoo Group did their best to offer Byron advice... mostly admonishments of "look before leaping", "think long and hard", "don't count your chickens", and other such pragmatic maxims. But ill-prepared, ignorant, unemployed... yet hidebound and selfsure, Byron was cutting and running to The Philippines, and nothing was going to stop him.

I didn't hear any more about Byron after that, and thought that he had actually put some thought into things and deferred his plans. But Byron apparently did exactly what he promised, came to Cagayan De Oro, and proceeded to come a cropper in the span of a single month in what has to be the most spectacular self-inflicted expatriate train wreck in history. And, now in his farewell self-immolation (and yard sale) on the Yahoo Group, he is lobbing sad little fireballs at the expatriate community in Cagayan De Oro ("a retirement home for Americans"), their get-togethers ("a retirement home at lunch time"), and the expatriates in general ("living in their own isolated worlds"), essentially blaming their relaxed-and-retired status as the reason he was unable to connect with any "businessmen" in order to get his foot in the door to gainful employment. The expatriates are lobbing back with much-more-accurate insults to Byron's judgment, intelligence, and attitude.

Oh well, it's all amusing and it's all good and it's all worthwhile (as long as you aren't Byron)... and the Yahoo Group's archives will remain as an educational bildungsroman of Cagayan De Oro's most famous scapegrace: Good Lord Byron and his Fabulous Misadventure in The Philippines.

New Drunk Driving Law Coming To The Philippines

Everybody is aware that certain things about The Philippines can be anachronistic or even downright other-worldly, but this article entitled "Drunk Driving to Become Illegal in Philippines" dropped my jaw to an unprecedented depth.

I was especially gobsmacked by the statement of Then-President-Now-Congresswoman Gloria Arroyo, who is sponsoring the bill to make drunk driving illegal: "The World Health Organization (WHO) and various studies showed that alcohol intake, depending on the level of intoxication, results in impairment which increases the likelihood of a crash since it produces poor judgment, decreased reaction time, lower vigilance and decreased visual acuity."

That's apparently not-so-common knowledge here?

Actually, the article states, there already is a law on the books about drunk driving but "the law is insufficient in defining what constitutes drunk driving."

Well, since I've never actually seen a traffic stop in The Philippines (only roadblocks that you can see coming for miles due to all of the unregistered trucks pulled over to the side of the road in avoidance), I don't think that DWI charges will become too common unless the intoxicated person causes an accident.

And that's too bad too: Just like in Thailand (moreso in Thailand), drunk driving is a problem here, and it causes an inordinate amount of injuries and deaths. In fact, just last week, my friends Dave and Jessa lost two friends — a young couple just out of their teens — to drunk driving.

Nice Video Of Jasaan Fiesta Posted On Facebook

This past week was Jasaan's fiesta, and there were lots of goings-on, including of course a big parade that everybody showed up to see. Mark Buray has a nice video that he put together of the event.

Expat Attacked At Restaurant, In A Coma

A fellow named Marian, a Polish-American who has recently moved to Cagayan de Oro and is soon to be married to his fianceé, Kenny, was attacked at a restaurant by the restaurant's owner and is now in a coma, barely clinging to life.

Apparently it was an argument over cold soup. Marian sent back the not-hot soup wishing to have it heated up, and instead the waiter brought back a different kind of soup (that wasn't hot either). After that, the meat that they were served was undercooked and Marian complained about that too.

Then, apparently the wife of the owner started saying rude things about Marian (and Kenny, who was with him). From there, I'm not sure precisely what happened, but according to Kenny, first the waiter attacked Marian, and then the owner (a Japanese national) came and hit Marian in the back of the head with a hammer.

Marian has been unconscious ever since... 4 days on.

The Japanese owner is in jail. The owner's wife is on TV sporting a bandage on her arm, telling the world that Kenny attacked her with a knife and that Marian just fell over while he was drunk.

Now: the way that I see things, unless dealing with a person or party completely devoid of their faculties (which I'll admit is always a possibility), a dispute about cold soup does not go from words to blows without both parties contributing to heating the situation. I won't argue that point.

But: assault with a deadly weapon? That could never be justified; that should certainly be good for an instant guilty verdict followed by a very, very long jail sentence.

Stupid Japanese fucker ruins Marian's life, ruins his own life, ruins his wife's future, and breaks Kenny's heart... over cold soup. What a shame.

Crackdown On Foreign Criminals In Pattaya Starts

Pattaya Beach in Thailand is well-known in Asia as being an adult playground, with a 12-mile-long beach lined with upscale shopping malls, myriad bars, discos, and restaurants, and fancy hotels. There are 20 golf courses, an aquarium, a water park, botanical gardens, a convention center that regularly hosts ASEAN conferences and heads of state, and what used to be the largest hotel in the world.

In addition, there are a quarter of a million bar girls (and, with one of the largest gay neighborhoods in Asia, bar boys). There is lots and lots of crime and lots and lots of drugs too.

There are lots of criminals... foreigners and Thai people alike.

There is one major difference in the criminals though: Thai criminals come to Pattaya to commit crime. Foreign criminals (for the most part, with notable exceptions) come to Pattaya to hide from the crimes they committed elsewhere.

It is believed that this will be ending soon: The Immigration department in Pattaya (which records the name of every foreigner checking into a hotel) is soon going to take their database of visitors and start comparing it to arrest warrants issued overseas.

Unfortunately, there is a major problem with this idea in practice:

It simply isn't too difficult to avoid winding up in Pattaya Immigration's visitor database. Criminals who rent houses (or the huge community of Russian and East European millionaire criminals who own the monstrous mansions in the hills outside of town) don't have their names submitted to hotels. (The houses are in the names of Thai corporations.) When one renews his visa at the Cambodian border, Pattaya Immigration doesn't hear about it. If one takes regular flights every few months into and out of the country, then one's name never needs to wind up on a desk at Immigration at all.

The really wealthy and notorious criminals already have the Thai Elite card, forged papers, or some other way to stay in the country without having to show up at Pattaya Immigration. Then, for extra insurance... well, Thai government officials really love their tea money.

Finally, if Pattaya isn't welcoming to the international criminal element, there is always Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Phuket, Koh Samui, Roi Et, or any of 1000 other places where tourists are welcome in The Land of Smiles... no questions asked.

In the end, the question is simple: Why is this Pattaya's problem alone? Why should Thailand focus its efforts there? If Pattaya Immigration can hook up to a database of international arrest warrants, why can't the entire country of Thailand do the same? Why can't they sniff these people out at the airport or the borders?

Well, there is a reason: Thailand is only worried about appearances, not process, and not results. In Thailand, as far as Thai people are concerned, setting up this toothless little system in Pattaya is proof positive that wanted criminals aren't welcome there. That's good enough.

And if the criminals can't figure that out and just leave... or allow themselves to be caught and deported... well, that's not Thailand's fault.

Why Northern Mindanao Is A Great Place To Live

Hat tip to Dew on the Expats CDO Yahoo Group for linking to this image below:

I've mentioned it before, but here is statistical and visual evidence for my claim: If you are going to move to The Philippines, there is a good chance that at some point you, your house, and your loved ones will get smacked well and good by a typhoon. It's not a joke: People die here every year in the monstrous storms that are born Southeast of the country and descend with regularity upon this archipelago.

Except for Northern Mindanao, where I live.

Look at the picture below, tracking the path of every typhoon to have hit the Philippines since 1947. The state of Misamis Oriental is placed out of the way of the normal path of the storms, with large clusters of mountains to the East and South that deflect any typhoons that come in our way in an anywhere-but-here direction.

If you're going to live in The Philippines, as far as the avoidance of typhoons goes, this is the one single best place to settle.

Expat Carrying Around Pot Plants In Cebu Arrested

Dimbulb.

I'm hardly one to discourage somebody enjoying a toke. But, as always: If you're a foreigner in The Philippines and you are buying or using drugs, it is a 100% sure thing that eventually (sooner, rather than later) somebody is going to turn you in for a reward.

Now, on a whole other level: If your white ass is walking down the street with a marijuana plant cradled in each arm... well, you might as well paint yourself bright green, wrap yourself in a bedsheet, and go stand in front of the police station pretending you are a big ol' man-sized spliff and wait for something to happen. Seriously dude: Couldn't you catch a taxi at least to get your herb home? Couldn't you just sense the text messages broadcasting from dozens of mobile phones as you walked down the street... text messages likely sent by the same people to whom you offered a pleasant smile just a half a minute before?

Yes, marijuana is popular here in The Philippines. A large number of Filipinos smoke reefer (even while sitting right on the curb in broad daylight). But you aren't a Filipino, dude. People take special notice when it's the foreigner who gets high, when it's the foreigner who gets drunk, or when it's the foreigner who acts like an idiot... even if the foreigner is doing the exact same thing that his Filipino neighbors are doing... even if the foreigner is getting high, drunk, or acting like an idiot with a crowd of his Filipino neighbors.

Just a message to the rest of you folks reading: Having white skin doesn't mean the law doesn't apply to you here in The Philippines. I'm happy to say that here in The Philippines, having white skin also does NOT mean that there are special laws that apply to you (like in Thailand, where there will be one set of rules written in English and another in Thai). However, your white skin does mean that the laws really apply to you compared to Filipinos. Get it?

In other words: It means that you can watch a parade of Filipino guys walk past your house every day, taking their pot plants out for a walk in the sunshine in front of an entire battalion of police officers, and nothing ever happens to them... but you don't have that right. (Maybe this guy in Cebu thought he did: Maybe he walked around with pot plants all the time up until yesterday... well, surprise!) The only right you and your pot plants have is the right to satisfy some Filipino police officer's curiosity as to whether or not there is any special notoriety, process, reward, recognition, or simple extra feeling of accomplishment for arresting a foreigner.

Political Rally Tonight

Right in front of my house... the incumbent candidate for mayor put on a rally. Before speaking, his campaign people played over and over again the same 30-second campaign song for 2 hours straight at rock-concert volume. I wonder if, based on that fact alone, anybody on my block will vote for him?


By the way, in the interest of full disclosure, Jasaan's current mayor was the guy who officiated my and my wife's wedding ceremony.

Election Party

The silence... lack of election trucks driving around blasting music... of the last week has been replaced today by a loud and boisterous recrudescence of activities. I'm having a tough time hearing my work because there are 3 or 4 vans within earshot playing music.

A helicopter has just flown low overhead delivering (apparently) the son of one of the Presidential candidates to deliver a speech in support of his party's mayoral candidate at The Big VaginaThe pavillion in the center of Jasaan, notable for the prominent cement bas-relief of Jasaan's symbol, the giant clam, that decorates the proscenium of the large stage. If you turn your head sideways and look at the giant clam... well.... (You know, I genuinely thought Jasaan would have gotten at least a whistle stop by at least one of the four major candidates for President... apparently not.)

By the way, I need to get Epril a ride in a helicopter. She has skipped the big political rally so that she can go look at the helicopter parked on the plaza in front of the church. She has a completely boyish obsession with the machines.

Balut

Tonight everybody (me excluded) snacked on The Philippines most famous weird food: balut. Balut is a fertilized egg — a duck fetus — halfway grown in the egg, and then eaten. The appearance is simply awful, but according to Andrew Zimmern, whose job is to eat strange foods, the taste is akin to scrambled eggs with the flavor turned up to 11.
Note the fetus on the plate. Those with a sturdier palate eat the fetus, which apparently is without bones or feathers. The rest only eat the yolk and amniotic fluid.