Monday, April 12, 2010

Ha (ish) ... if it wasn't so sad

From The Onion:
Republicans, Leukemia Team Up To Repeal Health Care Law

WASHINGTON—Citing a mutually shared vision of health care in America, congressional Republicans and the deadly bone-marrow cancer leukemia announced a joint effort Wednesday to repeal the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, the historic new bill that extends health benefits to 32 million Americans nationwide.

"Republicans have no greater ally in this fight than leukemia," said Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC), who was flanked by Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY), House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH), and the abnormal increase in white blood cells. "Denying insurance to Americans with preexisting conditions and ensuring that low-income Americans stand no chance of receiving quality health care are just a few of the core beliefs that the GOP and leukemia share."

"And believe me, if anyone is angrier than the Republican Party that children can no longer be denied coverage for having preexisting conditions, it's leukemia." DeMint continued. "We're a match made in heaven."

In the coming weeks, Republicans and leukemia will travel the country in an effort to diminish support for the increasingly popular bill, which GOP sources said goes against everything that Republicans and the massive accumulation of toxic cells stand for.

According to party leaders, all forms of the deadly blood disorder, including T-cell prolymphocytic leukemia, hairy cell leukemia, and large granular lymphocytic leukemia will lend their support to the Republican effort.

"I look around and I see Sen. Bob Bennett, Sen. Saxby Chambliss, eosinophilic and megakaryoblastic leukemia, and Sen. Pat Roberts, and I think, 'This is what the Republican Party is all about,'" Sen. McConnell said. "We don't like this new bill. We don't like that it will cut the national deficit by $1.3 trillion over the next 20 years. We don't like that it's now illegal for insurance companies to suddenly drop a parent for getting deathly ill. That's why we're so very proud to be working with leukemia."
There are things against which it is tactically intelligent to mount an attack, but politically idiotic. The problem is that some people are too blind to recognize that fact. Trying to repeal guaranteed health insurance — "for kids with leukemia!" add the pundits, rolling out the most tragic and emotionally-charged victim of such actions — is obviously one.

Here's another: The Catholic Church is fighting (loudly, publicly, without any hint of compunction or irony) a repeal of the statute of limitations on child molestation. Actually, I'm amazed that there are people stupid enough — even at the Vatican — to fail to see that "fighting the statute of limitations for child molestation" is (politically... not semantically) the exact same thing as "fighting to keep priests from being arrested for raping children."

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