Contestants for Miss Bikini 2009.
Photo courtesy of Gold Star Daily.In order to please as many uptight people as possible... and bore the rest... Cagayan De Oro's Miss Bikini Open 2009 contestants will (a) not get wet, (b) not do The Sexy Dance, (c) not allow their knees to ever get more than 10 centimeters apart from each other. (Okay... I added that last one in for kicks.)
Oh... No photography will be allowed at the show either. To quote show organizer Erica Dosoran, "Our show is going to be wholesome. We only want to show that Cagayan de Oro has lots of beautiful bodies... but we certainly don't want photographic evidence of that fact to get out." (Okay... I added in that last part for kicks too.)
I've got a cool idea: Change the name from Miss Bikini Open 2009 to Miss Aerobic Instructor 2009. Then get all the contestants to come on stage and do some jumping jacks and splits and pelvic strengthening exercises.
Some leg lifts might be nice too: Get all the contestants on their backs. "Up apart together down. Up apart together down."
All the nuns monitoring the show will be nodding approvingly at the wholesome display of fitness and health. The teenaged boys will all be nodding approvingly too, I'm sure. "Is that a camera phone in your pocket son? Or are you just enjoying the show?"
As always, Gold Star Daily has the goods on Teh Stoopid.
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