Daily Report: The Other Option

I spent the day today pondering the possibility of staying here in America... bringing Epril here.

I rode today down a quiet palm-lined boulevard in fantastic weather, past acres and acres of manicured lawns, beautiful neighborhoods, pristine stores with parking lots shaded by oaks and bordered by purple bougainvillea bushes. It's really the very apotheosis of tropical splendor and modern convenience I personally hoped to find when I moved to Asia... and would have preferred once I got there.

The cost? I can now state that it is true that, other than housing, living in Florida isn't that much more expensive than a place like Pattaya Beach (again, for me... I don't know about you). Owning a car here is certainly much less... home supplies... gasoline... electronics... the list goes on. The food I eat is cheaper here. I don't buy much clothes, but the clothes I have bought cost about the same or less. Things related to entertainment and relaxation are a little more expensive, but we went out to eat tonight and the fish and chips we had were about the same as I would pay at a restaurant in Asia. Obviously, there aren't too many $2 meals here like you can find with street vendors in Asia, but you can still get a reasonable bite to eat for not much more.

The social scene? Everyone here is friendly, just like in Asia. But I would admit that social aspects represent the second biggest difference: There aren't as many opportunities to socialize here, especially with people my age, and Floridians aren't as colorful as expatriates, and the social activities aren't as amusing, but the opportunities to socialize still exist and are actually easier to start and maintain than I find with expatriates or Filipino people. But, it has been years since I was a partier, and you would have to agree that sitting around the pool with a bunch of guys drinking beer and talking politics is pretty much the same whether you're here or there.

The culture? The country? Obviously that's the biggest difference. But, you can't just say "it's different" without enumerating those differences... both good and bad. There are a lot of nice things about the Philippines as a country; but there are also a lot of problems there: a vast number of things that are annoying, distracting, or merely tolerable... things you "just have to get used to", as they say euphemistically. The West coast of Florida may be one of the culturally emptiest places on earth, but everything works, the frustrations are few, everyone is healthy and wealthy and educated, and opportunity (though currently strained) exists for all. You may look at pictures I took in The Philippines and see a bamboo hut and think "wow, how exotic", but maybe you fail to think that it really is also a bamboo hut where some person lives their life... survives... and little else. You may see the photos of motorellas, carts, and motorcycles on some street and think, "wow, how rustic", but also you might fail to think that that street is also smoky, noisy, poorly maintained, and devoid of traffic laws or people in possession of licenses, driving skills, or a natural fear of death.

What is really causing me to think like this, however, is my wife. Although she doesn't mention it (much), I know that her biggest dream is to live in America. She follows my lead in all things and has adjusted her goals and efforts toward a life in The Philippines, as I wanted... but I know she would rather be here.

I know she wants to work in a store selling clothes — a simple wish. (If she came here and did that, she would almost earn as much as I am earning currently.) Our lives are one now, and her wishes matter as much as mine (if not more, in my opinion) as does her future, her life, and her happiness.

Finally, I'm really not a risk taker... or at least not anymore, insofar as I used to be. Going back to The Philippines now would be a risk... unless some truly certain option were to present itself suddenly (which it won't). There are lots of ways I can earn a living in the U.S., and most of them are what even the most jaded of us would term "steady" (and with my work experience and degrees, obviously better-paying); there are no such assurances for me back in Asia. A successful business today could be a flop tomorrow; a job offer now doesn't mean a job next year. That may be true in America too... but all else being equal in the respect of the steadiness and certainty of earning a living (which it isn't) it is also here where my "reset" button is. It is here I return to when things go wrong. This is my home port from which all ships of opportunity sail. It's why I'm here now.

Nothing is decided, but it is what I'm thinking about.