Another Thomas Hunt Update

Now that Thomas Hunt is dead and buried, the media spotlight has turned to Hunt's adulterous wife, Janelaze, and her lover Albert Dermott who are living in Virginia.

The Gold Star Daily has become All Janelaze All The Time now, as the story has moved on from the disrespected dead to the liable (and loutish) living, fueled by some huggy-kissy photos of Janelaze and Albert — and the happy halfwits astounding dyscalculia regarding the odds against them and a startling ignorance of knowing when to STFU.

A good old fashioned media chivaree has begun for the cohabitating couple: Evidence of Janelaze's green card fraud are on the front page (discovered online that she lied about having any children on her application), while behind the scenes expatriates are spending their days picking apart Albert's professional life with unmitigated glee.

One would think that this story wouldn't "have legs" at this point, but the crud that the expatriates are able to find in the darkest corners of the archives of the internet about Janelaze is gossip page gold, and it plays fantastically to both Filipino and expatriate sense of fair play and outrage at Janelaze's poor sportsmanship and lack of morals. Quite simply, Janelaze and Albert are an execrable couple, easy to despise. (The Songcuya family's laughable assertions that Albert is "the husband of a friend of Janelaze", and that Janelaze was a good wife and working hard to support the erstwhile victim of her affections, Thomas, adds a poo-flavored coating to the whole sordid story.)

In reality, that information wouldn't be enough though: The world is filled with human turds such as Janelaze and Albert. Everybody knows this, and normally people just mutter "assholes" in regard to their type, and get back to their own lives. However, behind the scenes (out of the news stories), Janelaze and Albert are meeting the accusations against them with an endless stream of vituperative e-mails chock full of threats of violence, name calling, and I-dare-you goading of all comers. These two twits seem to have an endless supply of matches to rival the Gold Star's supply of expatriate-supplied gasoline, ensuring that a the fire continues to burn and the public is served yet another piping-hot chapter of Janelaze The Bitch every day.

The goal obviously is to get Janelaze kicked out of the United States after she used a poor old man — and bankrupted him, and then discarded him, even as he lay dying — to get a green card to live in America. I'm fairly confident that that effort will eventually succeed, given the tenacious traits that her antagonists have shown up to this point.

While the campaign to ruin her lover Albert is born out of spite, his loudmouthed threatening and grandstanding e-mails... promising a shadowy doom on all who dare cross him... puts the blame for his coming woes squarely on his own shoulders: The more he arrogantly postures and adumbrates his revenge on the people who are devising ways to make him miserable, the more happily and zestfully those people fuck with him.

All in all, this is the kind of story that can just keep going to its bittersweet conclusion: The deceitful, conniving, and villainous woman and her dumb, detestable, attack-dog sidekick lover wind up in a perpetual misery, wails of frustration falling on deaf ears while the credits roll, and the ghost of a hapless-yet-vindicated old man gazes down on it all with a look of forlorn satisfaction.

(p.s. I'm thinking about coining a new word in honor of Albert Dermott: It will be the verb "to dermott". It will be defined as "engaging in an uncontrollable urge to shoot one's mouth off or talk trash even with the knowledge that it will only lead to more problems for oneself." To use it in a sentence: "Why do you have to go in there and dermott with your boss when he is already mad at you?")