Half of all Republicans in Texas would secede from The United States if given a chance.
So that they could pay less taxes.
I know that Texas has a lot of Texas-sized stoopid inhabiting it's amber waves, and that longhorns actually occupy only the second lowest rung of the IQ ladder there, above certain elected officials... but really? Half?
Have these people pondered for a New York Minute how much creating the Nation of Texas would cost? Forget about the expense of patrolling that Mexican border yourself, or buying your own military, or upkeeping your own highways and infrastructure. You'll also have to form Texas versions of all of the executive cabinet (departments of state, treasury, justice, interior, education) and pay their budgets. Who is going to help out when tornadoes flatten a mile-wide strip of suburban Lubbock? How about paying import duties on pretty much everything except oil, beef, and Shiner Bock? How about absolutely guaranteeing the loss of your Medicare, Social Security, and veterans' benefits? Will you still have access to the national weather service and U.S. air traffic control, or will you be building your own version of those as well? You'll be in charge of regulating your own medications and food and broadcasters and alcohol as well, as you form your own FDA, FCC, and ATF.
Oh... and don't forget: Say goodbye to NASA.
And don't believe for an instant that Exxon-Mobil, Texaco, and Shell (as well as about 50 more of the Fortune 500 companies) are going to stick around and (a) pay for all of this stuff, and (b) give up all of that federal support they're getting from the American government. They'll be in Oklahoma City and Little Rock faster than an armadillo can cross the I-10.
Well, at least all of the jobs that will be lost as all those companies flee your new country can be replaced by the thousands of jobs that your new government will create... with salaries paid for by the taxes that you didn't want to pay.
There is also a benefit for America as well if Texas leaves: The number of rednecks prancing around claiming to be "True American Patriots" will go down by about 57%, and all those ladies with big hair and appliqué shirts will have to go out and get passports if they ever want to visit Branson or Nashville again. We'll get to claim that George Bush really isn't one of us, and we will never have to worry about Tom Delay making a comeback. Also, we will have the bonus of getting to cheer for America each time the Cowboys and Astros lose.
America will lose its claim to be the world capital of masked chainsaw-wielding psychopath movie stars though, which is sad.
Seriously though? I'd love to see this happen. All apologies to my Texan readers out there, but handing over management of the asylum to the crazies is always a good idea if it isn't going to have a negative impact on me personally.
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9 comments:
Whoa! slow down big fella, the only one who said that stuff was our infamous governor Perry. Who is currently as unpopular as GWB is in the country. You must be from New York city with a rant like that Ha! Ha! Dang yankees. No offense taken or given just laughing too much.
Oh no you don't.
This was from a poll of Texans: Half of all people who identified as Republicans in this poll of people in the state of Texas shouted, "Yee-haw" to the thought of Texas being its own country.
Do you mean to say that they would have to spend within their means to survive ? That their destiny would be in their hands and not in the hands of corrupt ass wipes 1,000 miles away ? That they could keep their oil revenues ?
Sign me the hell up !
The border they would have to protect would be on the other side...
I'm not anonymous. My name is Gordy and I live in CDO.
I know Michael Turner and I'll ask him who hides behind JingleJil addy.
Being a Texan, transplant, not born, maybe we can meet someplace where we can discuss the Real Texas and our big egos. Damn near as big as our hearts.
Pick a coffee shop close to a hospital and I'll be there.
If people are big enough to open their yaps and spout New York garbage, they should be big enough to back it up.
And how the hell can a Liberal be for small government and fiscal conservatism? The words are mutually exclusive.
Geez Gordy. You obviously left your sense of humor and perspective in Texas when you moved here. It's a fricken' blog post poking fun at Texas, it's not directed at you personally.
Now Gordy, if you have a problem with the FACT that in a poll, when asked "Would you vote to secede from the United States?" 50% OF REGISTERED TEXAS REPUBLICANS said "YES", don't get angry at the me and threaten to beat me up after school about it... Take it up with your fellow Texas Republicans who feel that way.
And really buddy: You don't remember me? We've met lots of times. Jackie and Epril are friends in the Expats' Ladies Charity together! I chatted with you about your motorcycle at Spooks. You're a nice guy. Get a grip! What's with the anger all of a sudden? Do you go postal on all of our friends like this when they "mess with Texas?"
But, Gordy, if it will make you feel better, the next time I see you, I'd be happy to buy you a beer if it will ease your proud Texan heart.
p.s. Gordy, you misread it, it's "Libertarian, Social Liberal, Small Government Fiscal Conservative."
Libertarian, in case you didn't know, is a brand of Conservatism that focuses on individual responsibility, limited federal government, and states' rights.
Social liberal means one thinks that people should be free to live their lives the way they choose, whether it be religion, sexuality, drugs, or guns.
I did read that wrong.
My bad.
I'm not Republican.
They are, with a few exceptions, as bad as the liberals.
Ron Paul should enlist many this next time around.
As you may have noticed, this Texan don't drink. It tried to kill me too many times.
I got my application in for a Lone Star Passport now. Sitting on Conaway's desk (US House of Representatives)
I'm with you about Ron Paul next time around: The only candidate I supported on the same level as Obama was Ron Paul. I don't think he has a chance, because he's far too pragmatic and loyal to the Constitution for neoconservatives and The Religious Right to vote for him, he has some serious "guilt by association" and platform problems. He'll unfortunately never make it out of the primaries.
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