Mom and Paul will late this week be on their way back to Florida from Christmas in New York. My lonesome and nocturnal schedule has really made the days blur together so that it seems like only a short time they've been gone... instead of a month. I don't like this schedule nearly as much as I used to, mostly because then it was a get-out-and-do-stuff, New-York-City-nighttime schedule; now it is a stay-home-hermit-in-the-dark schedule. When Mom and Paul get back, I'm going to switch back to the more daylight and people oriented schedule.
The last 3 or 4 days have been particularly bad in that I didn't even do stuff: No studying, no going out, even dishes went unwashed for a day. That's a bad sign of acedia and not my style at all. Even work has suffered because of this schedule... having gone from 1,500 lines per day before the change to 1,250 lines per day after the change. (I remember 6 months ago that I would have cracked open a bottle of champagne if I did 1,250 lines on any one day.) Nope. I'm not the person I was 10 or 12 years ago, I'm not in the place I was then either.
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Reading the last paragraph of this post when you are awake may suggest to you that all you need is a good nights sleep and a hot meal.You sound like you are trying to talk yourself into believing you are an old man.....I do not know how old you are but old age is for those in their late 60's.You do not qualify.
I think the main problem is lack of human contact: For the last decade, I lived in houses and places that were just full of people.
Suddenly, I have this ultimate "bachelor's existence", where I have no obligations (other than to work), no chores or activities scheduled other than what suits my instant fancy, no motivations other than my immediate needs and wants, and no time frame other than my own internal clock and internal deadlines.
It's not so much a lonliness as it is just living in a vacuum without any outside stimulus. My natural state in such an environment is relaxed... sometimes to the point of near-immobility. The hours I'm keeping have a lot to do with it... I'm going to change those. The lack of daily human contact will be ending (at least until the month of April) when Mom and Paul return... after which I'll probably hang out with Uncle Bob or something.
As for a good night's sleep and a hot meal... I've actually got more than enough of those. Mental stimulation too: Studying anatomy, reading my novels, recording and watching lots of educational programs on television. Exercise too: Almost-daily walks, a bit of cooking, a bit of cleaning.
So, like I said: It's being part of the outside world... the un-hermit like life that most people are forced to lead due to interacting with the rest of the human race: That is what I'm lacking currently and need to get back.
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